Reprint of Lesson No. 7 - Finding Chanukah

This originally ran on December 4, 2007:

Every year, newspapers carry a story on the day of the first evening of Chanukah, announcing to the world that tonight's the night the Jewish people light their menorah. Usually the article recaps the story of the Maccabees, and often carries a quote from someone in the Jewish community about how Chanukah is actually a minor historical holiday (and not as big a deal as marketers and the less enlightened make it out to be).

Underneath it all, the irony often gets lost.

The Greeks wouldn't let the Jews practice their religion, and went so far as to desecrate their Temple.

The Jews had an uprising, and got their defiled synagogue back.

The rest everyone knows: the Temple was a mess, they cleaned it up, they wanted to light the candelabra but found only enough oil to last one day, and miracle of miracles, it lasted eight.

Fast forward a number of thousand years to present day US: families light the menorah, sing a song, eat oily food and give presents, not just a little gelt (coins, these days often of chocolate), but over-the-top presents. There are families who do nothing more Jewish all year besides "celebrate" Chanukah. There are those who may even know about the miracle of the oil, but give no thought as to why we needed to reclaim the temple. They just know it means eight days of presents.

The irony to me is clear: The story of Chanukah, the Maccabeen uprising, represents the fight to preserve Judaism, so that the people could safely and openly believe, pray, be observant, be different.

Modern day Chanukah, however, looks like an attempt to fit in with the rest. It is an attempt to suppress the differences. "But," say the parents, "our child has asked to take a picture with Santa."

So? I see nothing wrong with explaining, "They do what they do and we do what we do. We are all different."

Being different is good. Being different grants you a unique perspective...and identity. Being different is worth fighting over, wouldn't you say?

Lesson No. 19 - How to Grow Good Parents

I believe that children either become parents like their own, or they turn 180 degrees in the opposite direction (as a reaction against).

I draw two conclusions from this:
1. To become a parent who is either like or completely unlike our own, requires conscious effort and learned behaviors.
2. To make sure that our own child's default tendency to mimic what he grew up with actually serves him or her well is all the more reason why it is important for us to do the right thing, behave in a positive way, serve as a good model.

I personally took a lot away from books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, such as How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, for example:

* Let the kids acquire the tools to work it out themselves. Resolving issues helps them how to manage in social situations, negotiate outcomes, etc. as they grow older.
* Let natural consquences occur. If they forgot their lunch at home, don't go to school with it; they'll remember next time.
* Let kids become resilient. Let them know disappointment. When a college professor or a boss criticizes them or their work, they need to know how to deal with it, learn from it, without falling apart. Children who are shielded from sadness or the word "no," will not be in as strong a position as those who understand that it is a natural part of life.

The bottom line is that it is our job to provide our children with the tools they need so that they can function well as adults. One way we can do that is by acquiring the right language, attitude, thought processes now, so that not only can we understand how our actions impact upon our children, but we can modify our own behavior in order to help our children grow into good parents as well.

A few great websites

First one is not only for job hunters, but for freelancers. It's called VisualCV and allows you to post your resume, with added multimedia, online. How cool is that! A friend told me about it.

Sales
Like many others, I try to make some extra money. One place online where I have a few items for sale (a very few) is my CafePress site. Scroll down for some nice notecards... (I know, the pickings are slim--If I ever find time, I'll be more creative and make other stuff, I promise!) In the meantime, if you have any request, please leave a comment here and let me know. I'll make what you want! CafePress is a fun site--you can create things for yourself, or to sell to others, or you can buy from the gazillions of items and designs they have there.

I also try to make some money in another way--as an Associate for Amazon. But that's only through this blog. If someone clicks on the name or picture of a book, and then purchases something from Amazon, I'll earn a very small percentage. So far...I've earned 79 cents! But hey, if you're planning on going to Amazon anyway, please click on a link at the left! I may someday hit the minimum I need for them to actuallly pay me ($10)! (I don't think I've earned anything from the Google ads I allow on the blog.)

Relatively speaking, most lucrative for me in terms of sales is eBay. I've started lately putting things on my own eBay site, and though my latest auctions finished on Tuesday, I'll be putting stuff up in a few more days--a mix of news and used.

Fun shopping
http://www.wishingfish.com/
http://www.delight.com/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/

Please also see another listing of very cool websites that I listed in September.

Do you have any other suggestions?

Current Reading

I'm reading a book which my middle son recommended to me. It's written for teenagers, and I think every teen and every parent should read it. I recognize it's a bit slanted, but the information is still powerful and may impact on behavior and decision-making.

The book is called Chew On This: Everything You Don't Want to Know About Fast Food and is about the fast food industry.

The author starts with the first hamburger place and moves on to the explosive growth of McDonald's. Ray Croc would take helicopter rides to identify good locations near schools. He knew the way to increase growth was to get more children through the door. And he used many means.

There is also a chapter discussing the meatpacking industry and slaughterhouses, and how so much of it changed with the coming of the McNugget.

I'm in the middle of a chapter on obesity. I explained to my son that while the fast food industry may market their products in very pervasive and persuasive ways, it doesn't take away from parental and personal accountability regarding food choices. When children are small, decision-making falls on the parents. When kids are in high school and eating garbage daily, they need to take responsibility.

A must-read. Good for starting meaningful discussions with your family.

It happened again

There I was, sitting in a closet crying, thinking, "What's wrong with this picture?"

We each see things from our own perspective, and they obviously don't mesh.

We may not hear what the other is trying to say, but I certainly heard words I didn't want to. Again.

I'm too drained to deal with this now...

No life lessons here today, except for think before you speak. Make sense, not hurt. If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all.

The meaning of life

I have no idea.

I used to think it had to do with leaving a legacy--which could be done through life-impacting career, a meaningful body of work, the arts, or your children--something to leave behind you, so that you would be remembered.

But perhaps not. Perhaps the meaning of life has only to do with being a good person and doing the right thing.

At the same time, one needs to be fulfilled. Knowing I'm doing a good job raising three good kids, three boys, whom I believe will function well in life and be able to deal with whatever is thrown at them, is good. But it's not enough. I need satisfaction that comes with getting paid well (being recognized) for doing a good job. (Funny when it comes to work, how men typically associate self worth with payscale and women with job satisfaction. I want to get paid well and have a senior position, dammit!)

But is fulfillment more of a question of self-worth than of the meaning of life? I think so. So what's the meaning of life? What gives your life meaning?

...You know...if you can't answer the question, you can just change the questions and ask something else instead!

Warm and fuzzy?

Feeling warm and fuzzy? Want to connect to someone else?

If you think so, you can buy these notecards in my fairly empty "store."

Yes, I should be doing real work now, instead of playing around.

Or actually, instead of heading home!

Good night.

What's next?

Two days after the elections, and I've debated putting in my two cents on the candidates or on my process of reaching a decision (which took me until the very end to do). But I think not. Not sure if delineating the weaknesses I saw in each of the candidates and parties would be productive in any way.

What is truly commendable is the amount of people who voted. I haven't seen statistics yet, of what percentage of the population. But this election brought out so many first-time voters of all ages, engaged so many in the political process, and that is certainly a good thing.

An interesting sidenote to this election--so many people wanted momentos of this historic election, that many newspapers sold out, and some were even forced to reprint. Boy, I can imagine how happy the advertisers for yesterday's issues are! In this day and age, when so many newspapers are cutting staff, reducing their page count, breaking their relationships with the AP, it was nice to have a day of increased paper circulation.

Hurtful words

What can you do when they're flung at you? And in front of your children no less?

Stuff they shouldn't hear. Stuff I'm embarrassed to ever repeat.


Hurtful words lead to doubts: Have I made a mistake? Am I hurting the children?

Hurtful words lead to conflict: How do you deal with things you should not reveal to others? Especially when you don't want to keep them inside?

Easy and inexpensive sleepover

This weekend my just-turned nine year old had a sleepover party. We survived. No one got hurt. Nothing got damaged. The budget wasn't broken. Everyone had a great time. My middle son helped out a lot, the oldest one a little after coming back from watching his High School football game. Although it was rainy outside, and we were restricted to staying indoors, there was no rough-housing and it worked out really well.

So what did we do?

Used evites for the invitations. Since we were not inviting the entire class, we couldn't distribute invitations in class anyway. $0

The kids were asked to bring a sleeping bag, a pillow, and labelled hand-held electronic games. We invited seven, but only four could come.

We had pizza for dinner (where I live, when you show your PTA membership card at Papa John's, there's a buy one 14", get one deal, no matter how many pies you order). So I picked up the pizza on my way home from work, and kept warm in the oven. We ordered six, two too many, but this way the family has leftovers. The kids each had two or three slices; so did I. :-) $41-ish, but had I ordered only four (which was all I really needed to feed them and my family), it would've been $27-ish.

Gave the kids water bottles; made customized labels, with their names on it. $3 for the water?

Kids came at 6:30pm. After dinner, we had cake (I made it from a box, I admit). With frosting, let's say $2.50.

Then the kids watched a movie, Alvin and the Chipmunks. (We rented two DVDs from Blockbuster, so that's what, about $8?).

I made a few bags of store-brand microwave popcorn. Let's say another $2 or $3

Then we opened presents and then made T-shirts. I bought a package of "6-for-the-price-of-5" undershirts and printed out a bunch of coloring pages so the kids would have outlines of things they would like. Sometimes it's hard to come up with (and execute) ideas on your own. I cut up a box so that we could tape the chosen coloring page to the cardboard, and insert inside of the undershirt. This way, the boys could see the outline, they'd have a hard surface to write on and the markers wouldn't go through the shirt. We used Sharpies we had in the house. About $6.50 for the shirts.

Then we ate fun ice cream pops (based on candy bars). Maybe $2.50 (yes, I use coupons and sales whenever I can.)

Then the kids played Wii, their hand-helds and old-fashioned Twister. Then I had the kids brush teeth and get into pjs and get into their sleeping bags for a "midnight showing" of Ratatouille. All the guests were asleep by the end of the movie.

The next morning, I made chocolate chip muffins ($2 ish?) and they put away their stuff and played Wii and hand-helds some more until their 10:30am pickup.

Throw in another $4-5 for chocolate milk and soda.

The kids' time was structured for the most part and they loved the t-shirt (except for those who had to dress differently for where they were going next, they all wore their new t-shirts).

The fact that there were not a large number of boys, the time was structured, and my older sons helped out made it all a good experience.

The whole thing came to about $60 (using the lower figure for the pizza). One boy told me it was the best party he'd ever been to. My own son said it was much better than his last two parties. Both of those were with his class and other friends in a public park (free), with an arts and crafts activity (under $20 for everything, thanks to what's in the house and/or dollar store), cupcakes ($3 ish, made from mix), other nosh and drinks (another $10-15?), playground and outdoor toys we brought.

No book today

Not sure if there's any point in blogging when no one reads my blog. I used to think I'd focus on the lessons I've learned in life, and that the columns would, collectively, become the basis for a book, and so it wouldn't matter if I had readers or not. Truth is, I'd like someone to read, give me feedback...but even worse, too many of my entries are not the kinds of lessons I had in mind (so where's the book?).

Today's no exception.

In other areas, my mother's still waiting for the angio. The HMO needs to approve procedures done out-of-network. I guess they haven't done it yet.

And I had an idea for my youngest son's Bar Mitzvah party--four years away! I know I'd like to have a comedian, and not a DJ-&-dancing party. A cross between a stand-up and "Whose Line Is It Anyway?"

I figured out the perfect party favor. While my mother thinks it's a great idea, my husband says, "No way!"

Are you ready?

To remind you, the focus is comedy; my youngest is a born comedian, his timing is impeccable. He knows how to play an audience. I keep thinking he may grow up to be a stand-up comic, a used car salesman or a defense lawyer.

Anyway, back to my brilliant idea: How about custom imprinted whoopie cushions that say, "I had a blast at [name]'s Bar Mitzvah!" Even funnier, we'd put them out--inflated--on everyone's chair!

Inappropriate, but funny as hell, no?

Postponed

My mother's angiogram didn't take place yesterday, but will this coming Friday. Something to do with paperwork. Yes, she has an HMO, but it will cover everything, and with the best doctors, at Columbia-Presbyterian. So don't believe everything you hear about HMOs! The paperwork for the heart surgery actually went through first, but that won't be scheduled until after the angio, which will be performed by a Dr. Warren Sherman. The actual heart surgery will be performed by Dr. Mehmet Oz. Two people have asked me to get his autograph (he frequently appears on Oprah and elsewhere)!

She's on eight different medications and under orders to take it easy. And, best of all, she finally quit smoking! Yesterday was a week, and I am so glad...we all are.

So...I'm here for another week at least...and have a big proposal to finish for Australian brokers. In fact, that's what I should be working on now!

I'm also trying to figure out ways to earn extra money. I've got a small "shop" set up on Cafe Press, but none of the items are terribly in demand. I've got to become more creative. I thought about trying to sell stuff online and am even testing the idea out by selling something in the Facebook Marketplace (I've even got a buyer for one item I placed there). But it makes more sense moving forward to use ebay. First I need to figure out what stuff to sell. As I go through a room, I look to see what sits unused and unwanted. These items may as well make someone else happy!

A few days later

It's been a scary few days, but my mother is now stable, and even was released from the hospital today. And, hard as it is for her, she must take it easy.

She now faces heart surgery. Sounds like one valve must be replaced (I think the aortic, the one with calcification) and another either repaired or replaced (the mitral valve, the one which was repaired 34 years ago in Open Heart Surgery). They'll know more when they do the cardiac catherization. In addition, she has pulmonary hypertension and apparently emphysema...

Later this week, she will be admitted, and if testing and assessment go well, surgery will be scheduled for a few days after that. I'll probably be flying up Sunday. I'd like to talk her into coming down South to recuperate at our home.

On another topic, given the financial problems this county (and many other countries) are going though right now, apparently the government is thinking of distributing a new dollar bill.

Fear

The moment my father called tonight, I knew that something was wrong. My mother was in the hospital with congestive heart failure. She'd had difficulty breathing and there was fluid in her lungs.

I called my brother. He called my cousin the cardiologist, who spoke with the ER doctor.

She's apparently stable now and is being kept in the ER overnight. Some of the tests came back, and the doctors decided that tomorrow they'll move her to the Progressive Care Unit (PCU)/Telemetry Unit, which is less intensive than an ICU. Taken with the fact that she's got some color back and is not on a respirator, I must take this as a good sign.

My brother is flying up tomorrow morning. My cousin will go on Sunday and hope they let him see the chart. (Actually, he said, a patient can request to see his/her own chart...and then show it to someone else.) Once she's in the PCU, I will send flowers. I feel very badly that I am not flying up, but I just can't, for a number of reasons. I think my mother will understand and, in fact, will even protest that my brother's come up (she's already telling my father that he doesn't need to call everyone--one sister was called and came to the hospital. The one in Florida will be called tomorrow, as will her brother).

At any rate, I want my mother to feel that we are there with her, even if we cannot be. Flowers. Not sure how else. I should have the kids call and speak to her too, once she's settled in a room. Any suggestions?

And can anyone please put my mother in his/her thoughts for a refuah shlemah, a complete recovery? Thank you so much.

On the candidates, sort of

My shirt says it all. If you agree (or even if you don't!), please vote for my shirt in CafePress' contest. Thank you!

Vote here, but if you want to buy it, please go here.

Some very cool websites

www.diybookbinding.com/do-it-yourself-book-binding Bind your own books (hoping to try soon)
www.vrbo.com Book an inexpensive vacation (a coworker's used them and was happy)
Recipezaar (people write in with what they've changed and how it worked; you can save everything in your own online cookbook)
Freerice (enrich your vocabulary while helping to feed those who need it most)
Type in Hebrew on an English keyboard
Learn Shabbat prayers (for those who don't know at all)
www.cafepress.com make stuff to sell; print-on-demand

Do you have any other cool websites to share? Please leave a comment if you do.

Thanks!תודה רבה

Lesson No. 18 - Thinking with a ראש גדול (Rosh Gadol, Hebrew for big head)

There is a great concept in Hebrew of "small head" (ראש קטן) and "big head" (ראש גדול). (I went into that to some extent in Lesson No. 4 - Better wise than a wiseguy), but I'd like to revisit today.

The idea is that when you have a Rosh Katan, you don't look at the larger picture. I've come across the concept most often in workplaces, and it kills me. It's like people who should be thinking of the impact their actions or lack of actions have on the company instead focus on the impact on themselves or their department. But sometimes departments need to cooperate and work together to accomplish something more. Sadly, many companies don't facilitate the cross-communication that is required, instead even encouraging the continuation of fiefdoms...

Another way Rosh Katan continues to fester is when upper management doesn't invite suggestions from either those "down in the trenches" or from the clients. I once worked at a magazine which had the editor, publisher and marketing manager (me) meeting weekly...but they didn't include the receptionist -- the person who spoke with every subscriber who called. She heard their complaints and their thoughts, and she represented the magazine to them. Considering that more and more weren't renewing their subscriptions at the time, I thought it great folly. By including her in the weekly meetings, she felt more useful to the organization as a whole. And when people feel their input is welcome, they are more likely to think, to suggest, to improve...and to have increased morale, which in turn, increases productivity.

But when you have people in upper management who don't put out a welcome mat or a suggestion box, they can't even know what they're missing. People in different departments, from customer service to manufacturing to graphic design, often see first-hand how something can be done better or more efficiently, what works and what doesn't work, how to save money, etc., but if their input isn't asked for, it often won't come. I've worked for managers who have listened to my suggestions and agreed with them, but were not willing to take it further up, either out of what they saw as a corporate culture of departments not working with each other, or because they didn't want to rock the boat with those further up the line.

Now, to be fair, it's not always that input from the masses isn't wanted...it's may be that it just never occurred to upper management that others may have something to contribute to the discussion. This, of course, is aggravated when egos, territoriality and bonuses are on the line. And it's a pity, because this Rosh Katan squashes those who do have Rosh Gadol, with initiative and desire to help out the organization as a whole. There's no way around it -- it must be demoralizing to come to work day after day, knowing that something could be done in a better way, and not having the opportunity to do anything about it.

Rediscovering people from the past

I've discovered the joys of Facebook.

This includes finding people from different stages of my life: High School. The day camp I went to. One of the places where I worked in Israel. Former neighbors. Relatives. Hadassah. Synagogue. I'm still looking for early childhood, college and colleagues from other workplaces. There are too many people who've registered without pictures or maiden names entered as middle names. Makes it way too difficult. And then there are those who I can see and remember, but I won't, can't befriend for a number of reasons.

I've always admired my brother's ability to network, to keep in touch with people from different stages of his life.

I now feel like I have a chance to "catch up" somehow. Make right the connections I didn't keep up. The Groups allow us to share memories and touch the past again, both with discussions and by scanning in old photos, uploading, and tagging them. Very cool.

...and the Notes option allows me to have a feed from this blog to my page. So that those who I've accepted as friends on Facebook know it's my blog. But those who read this blog who are strangers to me (well, it could happen someday, no??) cannot identify me or my family.

Facebook: Where the future faces the past. (Okay, so I'm not a copywriter!)

It's that time of the year again...

Life is beginning to get hectic again. School has started for the kids. Soccer practices, too. 2 kids x 2 practices/week (all on different days) + one of them has flag football once a week. Another kid with four-day-a-week football practice, but at least he can stay after school for that and doesn't need to be driven. And then there's the actual soccer and football games. And one son who also referees soccer games for two different leagues (well, another son could ref at one league, but doesn't very often).

Let's throw in Hebrew school, which begins next week. Twice a week for the youngest son, but the middle son will be a volunteer helper on Sundays only (same time as the youngest). Year-round we go to services on Saturday morning, although we wind up skipping here and there during soccer seasons (fall and spring). And one son sometimes volunteers at a dog rescue shelter (four-hour shifts at a time). Let's not overlook the one-time events which start off the year as well (back-to-school nights, etc.).

My husband and I share some of the driving, but I think the most difficult part is just keeping track of it all, and finding time to breathe.

I enjoy my job (40 hours/week) and I enjoy going to the gym five mornings a week (takes about an hour-and-a-half for the workout and shower). But all this adds up, timewise, too. Good thing I don't sleep much. On the other hand, I don't always use my evening hours wisely when I'm still awake. After dinner, my youngest son will read to me, then I'll check facebook yet again (I love my Blackberry when I'm stuck in traffic!), and then the killer: read the paper and/or watch television, when I should be doing things I need to do (bills to pay, papers to file, stuff for the non-profits I'm involved with, whatever...).

My idea of heaven during the school year would be to get a day off every two or three weeks, to just let me get stuff done. Sad, huh, that that's what heaven looks like to me.

When I was in college, I'd get depressed thinking about how insignificant we were in light of the never-ending enormity of the universe (I mean, it's infinite space and infinite time!). Today, it's a different story. Who even has time for even thinking about that kind of thing when there are reinsurance proposals due, newsletters to write, lunches to prepare, homework to check and dentist appintments to schedule?

Lesson No. 17 - An Aha! Moment

The more you do, the more you don't do.

(Hmmm, I don't have enough time to explain!)

How did I get here?

Some people have a life plan. They know early on what they want to do and be, where they want to live, what they want to accomplish. These people could be driven, they may have a sense of purpose, they may have a vision, or, alternatively, their path may have been dictated to them, by circumstance, by family, who knows?

Part of my working life has been the result of the process of elimination -- figuring out slowly what I didn't want to do, as opposed to what I wanted to do. Had I given more weight to what I enjoy (art, design, problem-solving), I might have pursued a career in architecture. But it never even crossed my mind back then.

Part of my life has been reacting to things which came along and moved me. In tenth grade, we read Exodus, in college. I took some Judaic Studies classes, after graduation I went for a summer and I knew I wanted to live in Israel someday. I later met my ex-husband in a night club there (okay, not the smartest move) during a trip for my cousin's Bar Mitzvah, returned for a year-long volunteer program called Sherut La'Am (Service to the People), during which we were married. Eight months later we came to the US to work and save money, before moving back.

Nearly a dozen years later we were divorced, and I moved back to the US, this time to Georgia. Why Georgia? I'd met my current husband online and he lived here. It turns out that he had moved back only a year earlier. He had actually lived in Israel for over 20 years, but moved back to the States, thinking it would only be for a year or two, to be closer to family. Instead, the children and I relocated and we have been here for about five years, with no plans on returning.

Now that I've created a Facebook page, I've connected up with old camp and school friends; this prompted me to take out the old high school yearbook. Inserted inside was a directory from the ten year reunion. Although I wasn't able to attend, I'd ordered it, curious to see where people were. I remember when I first read it, being surprised at how many people married others from High School, and how many had remained in the area. I, of course, was far across the ocean. And now, I think of where I currently am in my life and it's simply somewhere else entirely...

Life certainly takes us along paths we could never have predicted for ourselves.

Lesson No. 16 - Everything is better covered in chocolate

Okay, that's not so much a lesson as a self-evident truth.

Once I made chocolate covered pretzel rods for my son's Bar Mitzvah, I discovered how easy it could be (although they were a bit tricky, in that we couldn't leave either end uncovered. to look like magic wands, I needed to put white chocolate on the ends too).

Anyway, a few weeks ago I prepared pretzel twists, which was easy enough. Two nights ago, I made parting gifts for the kids' camp counselors (with ten of them, I wasn't about to give tips, sorry!). So, I covered rods again (all but an inch at one end), and then added sprinkles. Last night I bagged them and the kids filled out homemade tags which I tied on with ribbons.

All you do is melt the chocolate in the microwave, cover what you want and leave on wax paper to harden in the fridge. Some recipes I saw for chocolate covered spoons (something I had thought about doing for the grownups at the Bar Mitzvah, for mixing into their coffee) also used shortening.

So a few minutes ago, I googled for "chocolate covered" to see what else I could make, and found something I cannot and will not: chocolate covered bacon-stuffed cake!

I also found many recipes using different kinds of fruit (cherries, berries, bananas on sticks, raisins, etc.), and, even better, popcorn, nuts, and even potato chips. Chocolate covered anything is an easy and inexpensive way to make gifts for friends, family, and coworkers...

Back to school

I'm still not used to the Georgia school calendar -- the kids go back to school this coming Monday. This week my high schooler had "Fall Madness" where he got his schedule (not completely what he wanted) and had his picture taken and brought in my checks for PTSA, class dues (why is there such a thing??) and English workbook fees (ditto). My middle school son is skipping his, since the only purpose is paying out checks and I can pay for PTSA later. He doesn't even get his schedule until the first day of school! Tomorrow, my elementary school son has his "Sneak-a-Peek." That's where we find out who his teacher is, meet her, and bring in items from the interminably long list of school supplies.

American society should support free education for all. But when parents have to pay class fees, and supply the school with reams of paper and dry erase markers and boxes of tissues and ziploc bags, that's not happening. (Would you believe I even have to give one school a self-addressed two-stamped envelope at the end of the year if I want to receive my son's final report card!) We're also asked to purchase reading books for the kids (okay, we use the library for summer reading, although not for school-year reading. I don't know about you, but I remember teachers in Junior High handing out class sets of reading books to be returned). Free education is especially not happening where school team sports are concerned. Parents are supposed to join a booster club which asks for over $800 (preferably $1200!). On top of this, kids are supposed to fundraise ad nauseum. Pay-to-play in public school? That's not the way it's supposed to be. For art, too, I had to buy my son a large amount of school supplies. I remember receiving the first set of paints (oils in Junior High School and acrylics in High School), although we did buy our own canvases.

In Israel, they called it free education (there was even a "Free Education Law"), a lie. The school fees we paid were for everything from photocopying to insurance to trips to unspecified. Plus we paid monthly tuition for a government school! Further, schools supplied no books. We would receive not only a long list of supplies, but of text and workbooks that we had to purchase. And despite laws which claimed a book had to be good for five years, they would change so frequently that you couldn't pass them down to younger siblings. I was certain that book publishers and the Ministry of Education were in cahoots. I return to America and feel like it's almost no different.

I know American religiously observant parents cite free religious education as a reason to move to Israel (private Jewish days school education in America is incredibly expensive), so even with the fees cited above, it's not that bad. But funny thing -- just last week I read that they're trying to pass a bill now in Israel which would eliminate school fees. Secular families are complaining, thinking it's another way for super religious families (which have many children and often non-working fathers) to get something for free. But I think it's the way it should be.

In my opinion, all of society should take on and share the common obligation of eduating its young. Period. And for that to happen, all taxpayers -- and not parents alone -- need to supply what schools need.

Lesson No. 15 - The Importance of Definitions

When I first started this sporadic blog, I wrote about communicating (see Lesson No. 5 - Huh?, Lesson No. 5 - Continued, Lesson No. 6 - Catching Flies, and Lesson No. 9 -Thinking Before Speaking).

Most of these dealt with not choosing one's words wisely (often during an emotional moment).

But another important angle to clear communications is sharing the same definitions. I've seen this become an issue at my job. I work with brokers putting together proposals for reinsurance. It's a back-and-forth process, requiring a bit of project management skills and a proposed timeline. One of the recent proposals we worked on had the brokers adhering to the timeline - in their eyes, but not in mine. The difficulty came in that I should've clearly defined what a draft is. A draft has most of its parts in place, but faces rewriting ahead. It is not something with many pieces still missing. We learned from this, and will be more specific in the future.

The point about definitions was also driven home once at the hairdresser's. I went in for a cut and asked for two inches to be taken off. The very smart woman asked me to show her two inches "since everyone's is different." Smart, because she wanted to establish a lexicon before working from her definition.

I think I'm dwelling on this now because I've just joined the world of Facebook (what fun!). How do we define a Friend? Someone we were friends with many years ago? I'll accept that. Someone we know/knew in passing? There, I'm not so sure. The "Friendfinder" offers you links to "People You May Know." Yes, I may know them, but is it okay for me to ask to be their friend?

I asked for those I felt confident asking about. But for others, I think I'll wait and see if anyone asks to be my friend.

Lesson No. 14 - Understanding...Football

I don't know if it's the South or the times, but I don't remember football being so important when I grew up. anyway, last night I attended a "Mom's football clinic" held by my oldest son's football coach. My son will be playing JV.

We met in a restaurant and after our meal, the coach got up to talk. He spoke about values and about football, taught us terminology and his philosophy about plays (lots of repetition, learn a few but learn them well) and a bunch of other things. I now know what a triple option and a veer play are, and the numbers and letters used to describe the positions of the players on the field and the gaps between them. (I found a site, which seems to explain well, too. Use the dropdown lists at the top.)

The coach had a few gems, from which we can draw other life lessons. Unfortunately, only one really comes to mind now (I wish I had taken notes!): If your defense is strong and you keep the other team from scoring, you will not lose. Very smart, I thought...

Watching what one eats and listening to advice

Well, while I'm exercising heavily, I'm falling down in the first area mentioned above. You can see from the link to the left, that I'm not entering info most days...

As for the second, you must listen to this, weekly. It's a great radio show, called the Weekend Workout, broadcast in Florida, NY/NJ and LA, but available on demand online...

Great mix of interviews & advice...

I'd write more, but I'm about to host a Hadassah programming meeting at my house right...now!

Farklempt

I took an interesting survey yesterday, conducting by professors researching the use of Yiddish and Hebrew words in English (social scientists at Hebrew Union College). It's meant for both Jews and non-Jews; Jews are also asked about their upbringing. It's interesting, as I said, and if you complete it, you can sign up to have the results emailed to you.

The day before, I'd heard a non-Jewish radio broadcaster here in the South use a very Yiddish word, farklempt. For some reason, I always thought that meant disheveled, but it means choked up. While Googling to make sure I spelled it correctly, I found an online multi-player game called Farklempt, which has to do with managing emotions in an artistic way...don'tknow if I have the time to play, but someone else might...

Anyway, while certain Yiddishisms entered the English language long ago (thanks mostly to Hollywood, I should think), this was not one that I ever expected to hear, especially in Georgia!

Getting back on track

Yes, I've kept up with the exercise, but after two weeks of not watching what I'm eating, I haven't lost any more weight.

If I keep a food journal, I behave well.

If I don't..., well, I don't.

So, in an effort to get back on track, I've created a new account at www.fitday.com and am making it public, for all the world to see (okay, maybe I have 1 or 2 people reading this?)

My goal: to lose 40 pounds and two sizes by the end of the calendar year. I participate in a boot camp three times a week, and exercise two other days a week (usually elliptical for 30-40 minutes, although today I did for an hour!), and am trying to limit my caloric intake to around 1200 calories a day.

Anyway, the link (at left) will show my intake, activities, and a journal, which will only have notes about the exercise equivalents (their list of pre-sets isn't exhaustive, so I have to fake/explain)...

Wish me luck, please!

Managing caloric intake, a.k.a. dieting

It's not easy, it really isn't.

I started off strong--1200 calories a day--but am not keeping it up very well (more like 1300-1500 these last few days). My oldest son now working at Dunkin' Donuts certainly doesn't help! (See last entry on how exercising anything but self-discipline indicates lack of serious motivation...)

Anyway...

I use http://www.fitday.com/ to keep track of what I'm eating and what exercise I'm doing. I find that if I don't record every calorie, I'm more apt to stuff more in my mouth... This site can also create reports based on the info you enter. Their activity database doesn't allow you to add things to it, like the food one does, but other than that, it's good...

If the site doesn't have the nutritional information, I google, and more often than not, I'm directed to a number of sites: http://www.calorie-count.com/, http://www.calorieking.com/foods or http://www.thedailyplate.com/.

I've also found that most restaurants include nutritional information on their website. It also helps to know what you want to eat before you enter a restaurant -- so I always look up the menu and nutritional info before I go. Chick-Fil-A's menu info on their website is especially nice -- they have a very nifty meal calculator that other sites should replicate (my salad there truly wasn't bad).

The only place so far I've found that posts absolutely NO information is California Pizza Kitchen. They should be ashamed of themselves. There are a few sites which apparently either analyzed or guessed really well -- but not on the menu item I chose. :-(

Lesson No. 13 - We are stronger than we think

I started an exercise boot camp at my local JCC a few weeks ago. And boy, is it tough! My body is being pushed to the limit almost every time. But I'm doing it....We are stronger than we think.

Yes, giving in or giving up is an option, for various reasons -- anything from not enjoying pain (!) to not really wanting to make the effort, or even not really wanting to change. I think that for exercise, as for anything else in life, one needs to be more motivated to change the current situation than to leave it as is. But for some, the status quo is preferable to anything unknown and untested, especially when achieving anything other than the status quo requires effort and/or discomfort.

But we can do it -- we can get into shape, we can lose weight, we can quit smoking (I won that battle years ago), we can become non-procrastinators (I'm working on that one now!), we can change careers, change the atmosphere in our home and in our lives, etc.

I truly believe that we can do many things -- if we want it badly enough, are focused and self-disciplined enough, and constantly keep our goal in sight.

We are stronger than we think.

Catching up

This past weekend we took the Bar Mitzvah boy to Summer Band Camp at UGA. We went a day early and took a tour of the campus. It is truly enormous. We go back on Friday for a final concert and to pick him up. I spoke with him this morning, and he seems to be having a good time. I always wanted to go to sleepaway camp--I hope he enjoys it...

Yesterday, my oldest son began his new job at Dunkin' Donuts-- he only began his search a few weeks ago, so I was glad he was able to find something so fast. I thought he'd missed the window, since teens look for summer jobs so far out. He'll probably keep the job after school resumes, if they can accomodate weekends only. He's already learned how to make hot and iced coffee and work the register. This coming weekend, he'll be taking the single subject SAT in Hebrew, for which he's prepared by going through a prep book I found. He's been getting 78 or 79 out of 85 each time. Hope that's over a 700...

No life lessons to impart here, except that kids need to be given the opportunity to be independent and do things on their own...Nothing new there.

Party planning on a budget

After the weekend, my mother-in-law told me I should write a book. My sister-in-law told me I should take on clients. A friend has given me a heads up that she would like my help.

Some of the things I did required nothing more than legwork and time (researching restaurants, magicians, different food options, etc.). Others might have required creativity (centerpieces, favors) or a sense of design and no fear of printing something other than 8 1/2" x 11" paper (invitations, thank you notes, place cards). Still others require knowing how to adopt other people's ideas (water bottle labels, candy torahs, still other centerpieces). Most require familiarity with computer design programs, but the truth is, there's an awful lot once can do with WORD, if he/she knows how...

What I've done, anyone can do. Read past posts to begin seeing how (see this one and earlier ones...)...

Bar Mitzvah Round-up

This past weekend was the Bar Mitzvah. My son led Friday services, most of Saturday's, as well as read all the Torah readings and chanted his Haftorah. He did a phenomenal job, despite a runny nose and cold that he hasn't been able to shake completely.

All the events surrounding this milestone (Friday's dinner at the shul, Saturday's Kiddush, Saturday night family game night at the hotel, and Sunday's lunch and magician at the restaurant) went nicely, everyone had a nice time.

There was...a drama...that spoiled the ending, though, and I don't think I will ever be able to think about the Bar Mitzvah weekend without remembering that. It's such a pity.

My son, though, had a fabulous time. He was the center of attention, enjoyed all the time with family, and yes, enjoyed the presents as well (my husband's step-sister got him a iPod Nano and his parents got him a Wii!). He's already almost a quarter of the way through his thank you notes and should have them all done within a week-and-a-half.

Lesson No. 12 - No matter how early you begin, it won't be enough!

Yes, I began planning my son's Bar Mitzvah a long, long, long time ago. And yes, I accomplished much on my to-do list, once I settled on venues and menus, some of which has changed over time (such as the Kiddush meal, which will no longer have a Mexican 7-layer dip). In addition to designing and creating invitations, thank you cards, place cards, one meal's centerpieces, favors for the Kiddush (that took quite a while!), some favors for the "party," and ordering and receiving (after way too much time) kippot from Israel, I still have so much to finish...and so little time.

I had to take a haitus from making chocolate covered pretzel rods (which are to look like magic wands), thanks to Passover. Ditto for the magic hat favors filled with candy. Passover ends this weekend...and the next one is the Bar Mitzvah!

I also still have the programs to print, but we've just about settled who will receive which "honors" at synagogue.

I need to go order the Kosher Chinese for Friday night, and pick up the takeout boxes and chopsticks so I can make the centerpieces for that meal. And I have to taste-test pareve ice cream for that dessert. And my son and I have to go to the cookie store to order the pareve cookie cake. But all this has to wait until Passover is over.

What else? What else? I have to make up the guest bags and write a small speech and color my hair and try on my suit and...and...and...

My son is ready. That's all that matters.

My son is ready. He will lead most everything. We are so very proud of him - he's a great kid, always working hard, always giving his all. This year alone, besides prepration for this day, he has learned how to play the trombone (and is in the middle of the next grade's lesson book!), volunteers a number of hours every week at an animal shelter, etc. etc. etc.)...

A great kid. That's more important than favors and cookies and anything else...

'Nother update for the upcoming Bar Mitzvah

My son met with the Rabbi today, who gave him guidance on what to write in his Dvar Torah speech, and also tested him.

Since so few people are coming, I renegotiated with the restaurant: higher price per person ($20 instead of $18--this includes tax and tip by the way), lower minimum (50 people instead of 72), we'll take the back part of the restaurant (not the entire restaurant), and he'll be open to the public.

I also checked with the hotel where everyone's staying- I'm bringing in deli on Saturday night, and we're having a family game and movie night. They'll allow alcohol, which will make my brothers-in-law happy (although I really don't think it's necessary for a family game night...).

Back Home

I was out of town for an internal company sales conference, which was nice. Professionally, it gave me the opportunity to meet the brokers with whom I work and to learn more about the different aspects of our company (always useful knowledge to have for our proposals!).

While I was away, I missed the outreach organization's party, which I heard had great attendance.

And while I was away, I began an interesting book which I'd taken from the library: Matzoh Ball Gumbo, about Jewish life (and "foodways") in the South. So far, I've gotten through Charleston, NC, Savannah GA, New Orleans and Natchez, LA.

My husband let me know daily which RSVPs were received. Sadly, many are still MIA...and the due date is tomorrow. So few people are presently coming that I am way below the minimum I need for the restaurant... I am a bit depressed about that.

So, I'm back, knee-deep in the middle of another proposal already. My boss received a promotion, but sadly, my colleague and I did not. We are, however, going to receive Blackberries. So we'll be accessible 24/7 to meet the whims of brokers...(do I sound a bit dissatisfied? It's funny, I would love to have email access around the clock, even if we cannot use it as a phone...but I really would like a promotion...).

Just catching up

We're inching closer to the Bar Mitzvah. Meanwhile, I've put out a printed newsletter for my Hadassah group, made progress on the work I have on two committees for a Jewish outreach organization (which is having its big launch party on Wednesday), dealt with a big proposal and a newsletter at work. Began (barely) my Passover shopping (first seder is at our home).

Biggest frustration is how few RSVPs I've received, as well as having received a few from relatives who I'd hope would come, but cannot. And then there are those not staying for the Sunday lunch... I'm beginning to get nervous that we won't reach the minimum amount I need for the restaurant...

Okay, one thing at a time. I've got to get a little bit of work done this morning before I head for the airport (going to a sales conference through Wednesday for work).

Some Sunday extras

Since the theme is magic, I want to emphasize it further. I purchased small magic hats from Oriental Trading. I'll use them for centerpieces, perhaps filled with candy, and they may hold table numbers.

I also decided to make favors--chocolate-covered pretzel wands, with white chocolate on the tips, like a wand would have. Pretzels cost $1 or so a bag. Milk chocolate chunks for baking (actually heating up in a microwave) and white chocolate chips for the tips. We made a batch this past weekend, and it seems as if they defrost too quickly. Anyway, I also purchased clear plastic bags at Party City and ordered ribbon with my son'sname and date on them. $3 set up fee and then 22 cents or so per ribbon, I think. alogether $25 for 100 ribbons.

Last item, I purchase magic kits from the dollar store and created sleeves to wrap around them. Took the Jewish star motif, added a top hat, hiding some of the star, and I wrote, "I had a magical celebration at XXX's Bar Mitzvah."

This will be fun!

Sunday's lunchtime Bar Mitzvah party

I wanted to hold the Bar Mitzvah "party" somewhere not far from the synagogue--or actually, not far from the Marriott Courtyard where the guests are staying, as it has a free shuttle up to a five mile radius.

I also did not want to spend a lot. I checked out event facilities, caterers, restaurants, etc., but in the end, decided upon brunch at an Italian restaurant which sounded nice (found it after a lot of online sleuthing and telephone calls to area restaurants). A co-worker vouched for them as well. I contacted the proprietor and he sounded amenable. We discussed my only requirement--no meat (to keep a semblance of kashrut). We went in one Sunday morning for brunch, to try out the menu, check out the ambience, see what the service was like. All quite wonderful.

Some time later the proprietor contacted me to tell me that they had cancelled their brunch menu. So we proposed a lunch menu instead for the same price, and he agreed. Instead of 10:30 am, the invitation would call for 11:00 am.

For $18 a person, including tax and tip, they will serve green and/or caesar salad (family style), rolls and garlic knots, an entree. Adults will receive their choice of stuffed shells, gnocchi with choice of sauce, or fettucini alfredo (he requested we get this info in advance--it was put on the RSVP card); children will have spaghetti and ravioli to choose from, served family style. For dessert, each person can choose either cannoli or Italian ices. Refillable soft drinks, coffee, tea are included as well. One of our guests asked me about this--she liked the idea so much--as she needs to plan a high school graduation party for her oldest daughter (a wonderful girl who tutored both my oldest son and now my middle son for their Bnei Mitzvah).

It is a small storefront restaurant in a historic area near quaint railroad tracks. For added entertainment, I found a magician who will perform "strolling magic," from table to table. Again, I did my detective work online, googling for magicians in my area. I checked websites (some were part of nationally affiliated companies), wrote to them all, and found out pricing from those who answered (they began at $200 and hour and increased from there). Later on I contacted one more I had stumbled upon. He quoted me $300. When I told him I was looking for less, he told me that anyone under $200 isn't likely to be good. Then I told him I had found someone for $200. He asked for the name, and when I told him, he was surprised that this particular magician worked at that price...since he is so good.

I figured I didn't need to call the references he gave me with an endorsement like that!

While it would be good advertising for me to give his name and website, as well as that of the resturant, at this point in time, I am still not supplying factors which would help identify me or my location. This may change...

I have a "few tricks up my sleeve" for carrying out the magic theme, but will save them for another entry!

A little about Saturday Night's dinner

We are not having a big to-do on Saturday night (the party is a Sunday lunch at a restaurant).

We are having a dinner and a Family Game & Movie Night at the Marriott Courtyard where the out-of-town guests are staying. The restaurant is not open for dinner, so we can use the space, as long as the food is cold only. I'm bringing in kosher deli...and since there's no reason to rush home afterwards, we're also bringing in lots of games and using one of the meeting rooms to show a movie (Transformers). To round out the theme, I purchased popcorn bags and a banner from Oriental Trading. Trader Joe's has pareve popcorn.

For centerpieces, I'm stealing and modifying an idea I saw at a Hadassah function. I found great plastic containers that look like popcorn boxes at Target for a dollar each and tons of non-dairy non-Halloween-looking candy at 75% off (post-Halloween--the store overbought for the holiday). I then went to the dollar store and bought the cubes of the green stuff you use with artificial flower arrangements and pipe cleaners. I'll put a cube in the container, cover it with tissue paper, stick some pipecleaners in (twisting the tops of them prettily), and throw in a lot of candy. Viola.

The centerpieces will go on the many tables dotting the lobby restaurant (where the game playing will take place) and the popcorn will be waiting for the kids in the meeting/movie room. We'll all hang out together--it should be nice.

Lesson No. 11 - Lessons never learned

1. Don't bite off more than you can chew.
2. Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

The combination of these two is lethal!

Bar Mitzvah preparations continue

I mailed out the invitations yesterday afternoon and the first one was already received (my husband got a call complimenting him on them)! To be honest, I think I'm more excited than my son is. I can't wait to see the RSVPs come in (hopefully with lots of yesses!).

I asked my mother to tell me--honestly--if she thinks they look too unprofessional or not. Safe (or poor?) choice, in that she's always biased towards anything I do, as is my father. At any rate, everyone should have them within a few days. I truly hope my cousins and out-of-town relatives can make it. It would be so nice to spend time with them all.

So, with the invitations out of the way, this weekend I can finish making the Candy Torahs (see this blog entry). I'm using the same artwork on them as I did on the invitation. I'm also using that same star on water bottle labels I've prepared (but still have to glue on). I won't use it, though, on the centerpieces I'm putting together for Friday night dinner, Saturday night dinner or Sunday's lunch. But I may use it on one of the two favors I'm making for Sunday. We'll see. I like the idea of tying things together visually.

This weekend, at any rate, I also have to prepare a four page newsletter for my Hadassah group. And this coming week, I have another meeting to do with the Jewish outreach group I'm involved with--event planning, in this case. Right now, I've got to finish up some work before I head home.

Making this all a bit worse is that we lose an hour of sleep this weekend when we change the clocks. I need that hour!

Shabbat Shalom.

Bar Mitzvah Invitations

This week my husband and I printed up the invitations and response cards I had designed. We've still got the envelopes to go, but we're almost there.

Michael's and Office Depot sell wedding invitation kits meant for use with an inkjet printer. I bought mine at Michael's (with coupons, of course). They sell the kits, which include 50 invitations and envelopes, and 50 response cards and more envelopes, for about $30. I bought two boxes, one with a 50% off coupon and the other 40%... They're a nice weight card stock, and I chose a simple pearl color with a border. If designed well, there's no reason anyone would even think wedding invitation.

I found nice "Jewish art" online. In general, two of my favorite places to go are MorgueFile for photos and Microsoft for photos, clip art, etc. I found mine on the Microsoft site. When taking material off the internet for printing, always be sure what you take is royalty free and copyright free and that it is meant to be copied and used. Otherwise, it's stealing. Also, make sure it's high resolution. Printing requires at least 200 dpi; a monitor only needs 72 dpi.

I picked a beautiful font (FlairRoman) for the body of the invitation and another (Blair) for putting my son's name inside the star. I then "eyedropped" a brown from the picture so that the font color would complement the art. I think it looks nice--hope others will agree.

It's also nice that it doesn't weigh too much. That is, I doublechecked--the two envelopes, invitation and response card--and a small card from the hotel--together weigh less than 41 cents, so I won't need extra postage. (By the way, postage goes up on May 12--it's time to stock up on Forever stamps!). I actually designed two versions of the invitation and the response card, as out-of-towners and family are also invited to dinner Friday and Saturday nights. I considered buying additional insert cards for the additional meals (many people use different inserts when not everyone is invited to everything), but decided that the advantage of printing it all myself meant that I could prepare custom invitations. (Actually, for my oldest son's Bar Mitzvah and my wedding three years ago (yes, all in one weekend!), I created four different versions!).

I asked the Bar Mitzvah boy to look at the Post Office website and pick out the stamp he preferred. Must say it's much easier for girls (more choices than for boys, I think). He chose the somewhat generic, but always happy, Celebrate.

All in all, the invitations cost me around $35 (without postage and without ink)--so much better than the hundreds most printers charge! They're not difficult to do--the kit even comes with design and wording suggestions--and it's an easy way to save money....Anyway, they should go out before the end of the week. Yea!

More Simcha news

The plan:
Friday services and dinner (See last blog entry)
Saturday services and Kiddush luncheon
Saturday night casual dinner and Family Game & Movie Night (at hotel)
Sunday party--lunch at a restaurant with strolling magician

I've already told you about Friday night. The fortune cookies arrived and I'm splitting them with someone else.

Saturday morning will be a basic Kiddush meal, although I'm adding a seven-layer dip, salsa, and chips (a number of my husband's relatives are from Mexico). On each table, instead of a centerpiece, I'll scatter ten Candy Torahs (each table seats ten). Okay, I "stole" the idea from a website, but I'm making them myself (more cost effective). I ordered Winkies, a kosher version of Smarties from Amazon, designed the paper and am using a glue stick to seal them closed.

Tips for DIY Bar Mitzvah planning

When I was growing up, it was much simpler. Services at synagogue, maybe a separate fancy party, and I knew one kid with yet even another party for kids at his house. My brother and I only had a meal at shul after services, and that was fine. Growing up, no one lived more than a few counties away.

Nowadays, we've got out-of-town guests. And so we've got more meals and an entire weekend to plan and provide. And this is fine. It makes for a nice family simcha (happy event). I tend to do a lot myself or to "know how to shop." Even if budget wasn't limited, I must say I honestly can't understand spending so much for a party, when there are bigger things, like retirement and college, which need to be funded...

So, let's talk about Friday night...

After Friday night services, we'll serve dinner at shul to the out-of-towners and my husband's family who live nearby. I'm ordering in Kosher Chinese food and looking for a good pareve (non-dairy non-meat) ice cream (a.k.a. frozen dessert) to serve afterwards. I just ordered a case of fortune cookies (!), since the Kosher Chinese place doesn't have. I'll actually split with someone who's daughter is having her Bat Mitzvah the weekend after my son's. My brainstorn for centerpieces--takeout boxes (free from caterer) with tissue paper ($1?) , fortune cookies (paid for, but if the aterer had had, I would've asked hi for them), chopsticks (free from caterer) and a little fan ($2.95/dozen, courtesy of Oriental Trading--BTW, if you take your catalog to Party City, you get 10% off and you don't pay shipping).

For my oldest son's Bar Mitzvah's Friday night meal three years ago, we ordered from a Kosher Publix. $7 or $7.25 per person for salad, quarter chicken, string bean casserole, and noodle kugle. It was delicious, actually. And I had them make a pareve sheetcake with my son's picture on it...The price has gone up a dollar or so since then, but I decided I wanted something different this time.

The Chinese food runs quite a bit more per adult (meal will include beef dish, chicken dish, veggie lo mein, white rice and fried rice, but no eggroll, in order to keep costs down here), but I'm getting platters of wings and tenders with dipping sauces for the kids, and that's low enough to help offset the rest.

It should be a nice meal, a nice way to start the weekend. Foodwise, we're winding up with an international menu as the weekend goes on.

More in my next post... (Oh and I have to tell you about how I'm making the invitations myself...)

Rules of behavior

1. No cursing
2. No name-calling
3. No denigrating
4. No yelling about irrelevant issues; talk calmly to the point
5. No throwing bowls of soup across the kitchen
6. Not in front of the children

That's all I can say right now...

No time for illness

Still not feeling well, although 10 days of amoxycillin brought my white blood count and absolute neutrophils back where they ought to be. So then my doctor sent me for a chest x-ray, and a "questionable expansion" of the front side of the second right rib was found. So then I went back for a rib x-ray series (yesterday) and tracked down a chest x-ray I took over a year ago (will pick it up tomorrow) for comparison's sake. But what bothers me most is that I can't stand how my glands so frequently hurt me, my throat is sore (my culture came back okay too), and I feel faint/weak. It was like this all weekend long, and then not yesterday or today, but it started again an hour or two ago. Annoying.

And given that I have a lot of work to do right now--a proposal which is due this week and I have to have it back in the U.K. office's hands before they go to work in the morning--it looks like another late night. (Of course, spending my time blogging does not help!) I know I need sleep, but can't invent hours that don't exist!

And at the same time, I'm trying to move ahead with Bar Mitzvah preparations for my middle son (1st weekend in May). He's doing great--already knows his Haftorah and several of he Torah readings. He's now reviewing/learning more of Shacharit (the morning prayers). If he feels comfortable enough with that, he'll be able to lead those as well. SiddurAudio.com has been a great resource for him (and for anyone who wants to become more familiar with prayers, I suggest it strongly). And this week we received the tallit (prayer shawl) that we ordered for him through the synagogue's gift shop. It, along with a tallit bag and tallis clip, are a meaningful gift from my parents. And he loved picking them out himself.

As for me, I'm designing invitations, making all kinds of favors and centerpieces (I'll share ideas in another entry, I promise!), planning menus for multiple meals, and trying to track down an inexpensive kippah supplier. I wanted to use the same man, Ezra, that I used for my oldest son's Bar Mitzvah. He owns a store called Ot in the Cardo in the Old City of Jerusalem and charges 8 shekels (around $2) for a knitted kippah. But we spoke several times, and he'd said he would email pictures of kippot, and still hasn't done it...after numerous conversations and messages.

So I looked online and found another inexpensive one, David Kippot; his knitted ones were $2.50 (more than I wanted to spend), so I was considered his jeans or brocade kippot (I really liked the camouflage, but my husband vetoed that). He's located in China and his website quoted $2 for samples, but via email he told me he wants $25 to ship them (express -- he won't wait in line at the post office to send them cheaper). Scratch that. So, I googled in Hebrew (boy, did I feel clever doing that!), and found another. Like Ezra, Kipot Levin is located in Israel. His website shows $1.47 each for knitted kippot. Wow! But via email, he told me to ship 80-90 would cost $40-$50! So I wrote back, asking if he could stick them in a padded envelope and send them by sea to cut down the cost. He didn't answer. I wrote back to him three times after that, and still no reply. I want to give him the business, as I did Ezra. But neither seem awfully interested in receiving it! I may have to go to the very big and oft-used kippas.com and order suede ($1.95 each), but I really wanted knitted for $2 each or less and would've loved to give the business to an Israel-based company. Very frustrating!!!!

Okay, must get back to work!

Being sick really stinks!

I did everything I had to do today, even though I did not feel well, especially this morning. (As the day went on, I felt better, actually.)

Hadassah training went well. The new Tower they're building at Ein Kerem will be truly wonderful. It is a new state-of-the-art facility which will increase the number of beds incredibly and will have areas belowground to accomodate patients etc., should the need arise aboveground...

My evening board meeting went well. We're planning the launch of a website and a re-launch of an organization whose mission is essentially Jewish outreach. I think the main event of our launch party will be fantastic--a type of family feud game involving area Rabbis and education about our metro community.

And in between, my two other sons won their basketball games (I only saw one, though). My oldest missed his, for a Hebrew high school of sorts, which has turned out to be a rather large disappointment. But I'll save that for another day.

Being sick stinks

I've been sick for the last week. Not fun. I went to the doctor two Fridays ago, swollen glands again and my whole body ached, plus a small cough. She "wasn't impressed" with my glands, but noted fluid in one ear and a temperature of 100.3! They took blood for a complete blood count and a throat culture.

On Tuesday, I found out my white blood cell count was above the normal range, as were my absolute neutrophils (way high, but not sure what that means), a few other numbers were off, and I was put on antibiotics. Missed worked and stayed in bed a lot, although I went in yesterday. Still difficult to breathe in fully, deeply, but felt better.

Today I went to synagogue with my two younger sons, but didn't help out in the kitchen (didn't want to cough onto the food!) and returned home to bed. My glands hurt again, as does the base of my neck/head. We just got back from my oldest son's basketball game (they were leading the whole game, but lost--the fourth quarter didn't go well), and I'm bushed.

I'm debating between going straight back to bed (I've got a full day tomorrow, from Hebrew school, Hadassah training, basketball games, more Hebrew school, a board meeting, etc.) and watching a new Trading Spaces (Paige is back!). Being sick stinks.

Lesson No. 10 - College prep needs to start early

I made the mistake (!) of reading through parts of a book my father gave me, What High Schools Don't Tell You. It's a good book, and I discovered what they don't tell you is that you have to start early to make sure your child has a collection of extras which not only show he/she is passionate about something, but has taken the time to advance his/her knowledge in that area.

So my 9th grader, a very bright but unmotivated A student taking honors classes, is passionate about Naruto (a cartoon), a few television shows with real live people, his iPod, and the new PSP that he and his brother chipped in to buy (I've got to admit, it's very cool, great graphics and allows music downloads!) (sigh). He enjoys art, building things (but wouldn't join the Lego/Robotics Club, much to my chagrin), and likes math and science.

The author offers methods for helping both you and your child try to find out what his/her passions are. She reassures the reader that it's okay if these passions change over time. If you're faced with a child who doesn't have an obvious passion and isn't motivated academically (or otherwise), there are still things you can do. For example, if your kid likes to play video games, let 'em learn how to create them. Oh, the book also says that it's important to use summers wisely. So I found a summer two-week program/camp at a polytech college where high school students learn how to make their own video game. He's interested in doing this, which is good.

College credits during high school are also impressive. My son is addicted to television-watching. It turns out that a local tech college only a few blocks from my home offers a program in television production, and they're beginning one next year in computer animation used in television graphics. I spoke with someone in admissions and am going to schedule a visit so that my son can see the cool equipment. If he's on board, then he can take an admissions test (something called the Compass) and begin something next school year.

Between exposure to computer programming games and behind-the-scenes television, my son should be able to find something he'd like to discover more about--or even be passionate about.

And while I'm at it, I looked into the SAT Subject Exams ("Achievement Tests" when I was in school). My son is fluent in Hebrew and his reading and written skills are still strong, despite having moved from Israel almost five years ago. I downloaded sample questions for Modern Hebrew, he did well and is okay with taking the test. I found a source for a book of practice sections and tests, and ordered it. (It's still a race against the clock, with 85 questions in 60 minutes.) Figured taking the test can't hurt. (He also happens to be doing very well in French, enjoys foreign languages.)

Our problem is we live in Georgia. The state's generous Hope Scholarship pays full tuition at a state school for those with a B-or-better average. So, the number of B-and better students who might've gone to private or out-of-state schools is far smaller than would be otherwise; they're now competing to get into the top state schools. Now, not only is a B average not enough to get in to University of Georgia or Georgia Tech, students with even much higher grades and great SATs don't always make the cut. They want rigorous courses and lots of extracurriculars. But What High Schools Don't Tell You makes sense: those extras should be related to your child's passion and to each other.

Anyway, the lesson is start early, find extracurriculars & programs, make summers count, and try to help your child discover what he or she enjoys/wants to do.