Lesson No. 19 - How to Grow Good Parents

I believe that children either become parents like their own, or they turn 180 degrees in the opposite direction (as a reaction against).

I draw two conclusions from this:
1. To become a parent who is either like or completely unlike our own, requires conscious effort and learned behaviors.
2. To make sure that our own child's default tendency to mimic what he grew up with actually serves him or her well is all the more reason why it is important for us to do the right thing, behave in a positive way, serve as a good model.

I personally took a lot away from books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, such as How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, for example:

* Let the kids acquire the tools to work it out themselves. Resolving issues helps them how to manage in social situations, negotiate outcomes, etc. as they grow older.
* Let natural consquences occur. If they forgot their lunch at home, don't go to school with it; they'll remember next time.
* Let kids become resilient. Let them know disappointment. When a college professor or a boss criticizes them or their work, they need to know how to deal with it, learn from it, without falling apart. Children who are shielded from sadness or the word "no," will not be in as strong a position as those who understand that it is a natural part of life.

The bottom line is that it is our job to provide our children with the tools they need so that they can function well as adults. One way we can do that is by acquiring the right language, attitude, thought processes now, so that not only can we understand how our actions impact upon our children, but we can modify our own behavior in order to help our children grow into good parents as well.