Lesson No. 9 - Thinking Before Speaking

This is essentially a recap of Lesson No. 6 - Catching Flies. One ought to speak nicely to others.

I can't understand for the life of me why some people think that their inability to control their tongue is something others ought to understand, allow, excuse.

There is absolutely no excuse for cursing at others, name-calling, etc.

And there is absolutely no reason why someone who hasn't the self-control to watch his/her mouth should think that he/she doesn't have to apologize.

At the same time, apologies are not sufficient.

Only a concentrated effort to exert self control is. Do what ever you need to do--count to ten, walk away, put it on paper, but DON'T open your mouth if you can't control what comes out of it.

(Okay, can you tell I'm angry right now with someone I love?)

Is there anybody out there?

I just found out a friend of mine has read this blog (Yeah!!!). Has anyone else? (Please leave a comment if you have!)

I remember thinking about this when I was in college--about how I wanted to know how others saw me (okay, here I want to know if others read me...). I thought it would help me "see" myself. This came from something I learned in a philosophy class. We discussed how you see things differently from different angles. We used the example of a table in a room, with windows on one side. The color of the table (due to shadow and light), the length of the table, etc.--all this could appear differently depending on where you stood in the room. At the same time, there was a common "core" that they all saw. I wanted to know what my core was, at least to others.

Let's not forget the story about The Blind Men and the Elephant (or an equally great episode of All in the Family), both of which show how people can disagree about the same exact thing, based upon individual perspective, experience, thought patterns and even personal bias.

The summer after college, my friend Amy and I were each in Israel. We decided to go to Greece together for a few weeks, and took a cruise ship out of Haifa (cheapie tickets--we slept on the deck!). At the port in Haifa, we met these two guys and decided to travel together, at least to Athens and Mykonos. One day we went to an art gallery, and one of the guys was curious to see which pieces of art I liked and why. He never told me what conclusions he drew from the choices I made, but I always wanted to know. Insecurity? Perhaps. Sort of like with the "Slam Books" we used to make in 6th grade, where we'd ask kids to sign in (with a code name) and answer all kinds of opinion questions about classmates and whatever. I used to think that knowing others' opinons of me would give me a firmer grasp on knowing myself.

There was also an episode of Fantasy Island, it might have been the pilot, where the need to know others' thoughts was carried out to an extreme. Someone wanted to stage and then attend her own funeral (in disguise) to find out what people had to say about her. I remember she dressed up as a hotel maid, but can't remember if she was surprised or not at what they had to say. Still, the idea is very intriguing.

Anyway, if you're out there...please let me know! Thanks!

Lesson No. 8 - Successful (or unsuccessful!) time management skills go hand-in-hand with abilities to plan and execute

I see this at work and in my private life.

Brokers working on proposals who utilize our "RFP Desk" may allocate the work into who-does-which-section (the first step to putting together a reinsurance proposal), but they do not allow for enough time for the rounds of review and execution that follow (that's when we pass the proposal back and forth). Nor do the brokers manage their team members' time adequately (or even seem to follow up with them to see if they're on schedule), so that no one meets deadlines. This "snowball" gets bigger and bigger. End result? I'm usually working until the wee hours of the night in order to keep them to their (revised) schedule.

In real life, I simply don't have enough hours in the day. We all know the solutions--multitask, delegate, and take less on, but it's not always easy. So I take the path of least resistance--not always executing the lesser important planned items and skipping on sleep.

I find myself suffering from killer headaches and swollen glands once in a while, as well as occasional bouts of incredible sleepiness when I'm driving. Probably connected to the way I handle obligations in life and sleep. Scary, unsafe, and not smart, I know...

So, on that note, let me get back to finishing up bill paying and newspaper reading. I'll skip coupon clipping this evening! :-)

Yes, I've got to better organize my time. Hmmmm, maybe I can do that next week!

Lesson No. 7 - Make a list; check it twice

No, this has nothing to do with Christmas, but everything to do with planning and executing anything in life.

Say, for instance, you're planning a cruise out of Miami and you're flying down to Florida several days before. Make sure you have your passports together with the tickets, before you leave for the airport, and not when you get to the pier.

That's today's lesson...

By the way, the two corollaries to this lesson are "Don't cry over spilt milk," and "When you're given lemons in life, make lemonade."

Finding Chanukah

Every year, newspapers carry a story on the day of the first evening of Chanukah, announcing to the world that tonight's the night the Jewish people light their menorah. Usually the article recaps the story of the Maccabees, and often carries a quote from someone in the Jewish community about how Chanukah is actually a minor historical holiday (and not as big a deal as marketers and the less enlightened make it out to be).

Underneath it all, the irony often gets lost.

The Greeks wouldn't let the Jews practice their religion, and went so far as to desecrate their Temple.

The Jews had an uprising, and got their defiled synagogue back.

The rest everyone knows: the Temple was a mess, they cleaned it up, they wanted to light the candelabra but found only enough oil to last one day, and miracle of miracles, it lasted eight.

Fast forward a number of thousand years to present day US: families light the menorah, sing a song, eat oily food and give presents, not just a little gelt (coins, these days often of chocolate), but over-the-top presents. There are families who do nothing more Jewish all year besides "celebrate" Chanukah. There are those who may even know about the miracle of the oil, but give no thought as to why we needed to reclaim the temple. They just know it means eight days of presents.

The irony to me is clear: The story of Chanukah, the Maccabeen uprising, represents the fight to preserve Judaism, so that the people could safely and openly believe, pray, be observant, be different.

Modern day Chanukah, however, looks like an attempt to fit in with the rest. It is an attempt to suppress the differences. "But," say the parents, "our child has asked to take a picture with Santa."

So? I see nothing wrong with explaining, "They do what they do and we do what we do. We are all different."

Being different is good. Being different grants you a unique perspective...and identity. Being different is worth fighting over, wouldn't you say?