Is there anybody out there?

I just found out a friend of mine has read this blog (Yeah!!!). Has anyone else? (Please leave a comment if you have!)

I remember thinking about this when I was in college--about how I wanted to know how others saw me (okay, here I want to know if others read me...). I thought it would help me "see" myself. This came from something I learned in a philosophy class. We discussed how you see things differently from different angles. We used the example of a table in a room, with windows on one side. The color of the table (due to shadow and light), the length of the table, etc.--all this could appear differently depending on where you stood in the room. At the same time, there was a common "core" that they all saw. I wanted to know what my core was, at least to others.

Let's not forget the story about The Blind Men and the Elephant (or an equally great episode of All in the Family), both of which show how people can disagree about the same exact thing, based upon individual perspective, experience, thought patterns and even personal bias.

The summer after college, my friend Amy and I were each in Israel. We decided to go to Greece together for a few weeks, and took a cruise ship out of Haifa (cheapie tickets--we slept on the deck!). At the port in Haifa, we met these two guys and decided to travel together, at least to Athens and Mykonos. One day we went to an art gallery, and one of the guys was curious to see which pieces of art I liked and why. He never told me what conclusions he drew from the choices I made, but I always wanted to know. Insecurity? Perhaps. Sort of like with the "Slam Books" we used to make in 6th grade, where we'd ask kids to sign in (with a code name) and answer all kinds of opinion questions about classmates and whatever. I used to think that knowing others' opinons of me would give me a firmer grasp on knowing myself.

There was also an episode of Fantasy Island, it might have been the pilot, where the need to know others' thoughts was carried out to an extreme. Someone wanted to stage and then attend her own funeral (in disguise) to find out what people had to say about her. I remember she dressed up as a hotel maid, but can't remember if she was surprised or not at what they had to say. Still, the idea is very intriguing.

Anyway, if you're out there...please let me know! Thanks!

"Reality television" and reality

I'm watching Kid Nation.

I cannot get over how spoiled Taylor is. Week after week, her attitude gets worse and worse. I googled Taylor, Kid Nation, and parents, and I see many share the same sentiment--how did her parents raise such a spoiled child? How can they live with her? with themselves? But I think even more disturbing is what must be happening every time it airs. How could she allow herself to behave this way on national television? Didn't she realize that her behavior in that artificial town would have repercussions in the real world? I can't help wonder what her schoolmates think of her or how they behave towards her.

Kid Nation was advertised as a reality show where children, unhampered by adult interference, would build a new society, a grand social experiment. The very structure of the show negates that--adult producers and cameramen follow them around, and they do not choose what to do to create their better society, but do whatever the artificial journal tells them to do, living in artificially color-coded groups, led by an appointed town council (which changes hands when the visiting adult or the journal tells them to have elections) and participating in artificial showdowns. Winning groups are put into different set jobs and their salaries, too, are predetermined. Rewards--when the entire town reaches a specific goal during a showdown--are choices which pit "what's good for you" against "short-lived fun." In short, they have "prompts" for their actions or for each espisode's "theme." I see very little initiative or original thought on the part of the kids.

This week, the council chose the fun reward, and the kids became video gaming addicts, ignoring their job responsibilities (hmmm, that could be like the real world). Taylor, deprived of access to the arcade, due to her prior decision not to pull her share of the work, actually makes up for it, by doing an enormous pile of dishes (in very dirty water).

Anyway, I enjoy the show. Kids can say the darndest things. And it's not that I need this unscripted "reality" show to have anything to do with reality. But all I can think of every time I watch is--what was Taylor thinking when she behaved so horribly? How forgetful or unintelligent she must be. After all, this would be aired on national television after she had left "Bonanza City" and returned to her home and to her school. What must she and her family be going through every time another episode is aired?! (Do the kids at school pick on her? Do the neighbors gossip? Do the relatives now hang their heads?)

I was once at a Sinead O'Connor concert and a girl in the audience had a foul word shaved into her nearly bald head--and all I could think of back then was--how can you visit your grandmother or have a job interview looking like that??

The only lesson I can draw here is similar to the one parents used to say about wearing clean underwear (that is, do it in case you're in an accident and a doctor sees). The lesson is always behave as if you're on tv and the world can scrutinize you! (And in this day and age, the same goes for what you post online--potential employers, spouses, in-laws may see it, you know!

Lesson No. 4 - Better Wise than a Wiseguy

Okay, so I'm watching House right now. The doctors vying for a spot on his team are very competitive, trying both to be right and to impress House. House himself is competing with another doctor to diagnose a CIA agent. But he doesn't consider himself to be competing. He's pompous, though, because he considers himself right. All the time.

In Hebrew there's a saying, "על תהיה צודק - תהיה חכם"

Don't be right, be smart. Know-it-alls don't always know everything.

House and his cohorts experience this over and over, but don't learn at all.

But we can. We just need to think larger - think about the goal at hand and not about what we get out of it. It's related to another Hebrew phrase, ראש גדול , literally, big head. It means thinking with with a larger view. The opposite, ראש קטן, small head, thinks with blinders on. Doesn't want to think about the impact his or her actions has on others, and how to advance the larger goal at hand...

In this context (and in this one only!), I can say I'd much rather have a big head! I enjoy trying to advance my goals of the company I work for, the organizations I volunteer with, as well as the goals of people I know. When I read something that I think someone else will find interesting or relevant, I forward it to them. Unlike the Mafia, I'm not trying to cultivate future favors. I just enjoy being helpful.

I think it's better to be wise than to be a wiseguy, don't you?