Reprint of Lesson No. 7 - Finding Chanukah

This originally ran on December 4, 2007:

Every year, newspapers carry a story on the day of the first evening of Chanukah, announcing to the world that tonight's the night the Jewish people light their menorah. Usually the article recaps the story of the Maccabees, and often carries a quote from someone in the Jewish community about how Chanukah is actually a minor historical holiday (and not as big a deal as marketers and the less enlightened make it out to be).

Underneath it all, the irony often gets lost.

The Greeks wouldn't let the Jews practice their religion, and went so far as to desecrate their Temple.

The Jews had an uprising, and got their defiled synagogue back.

The rest everyone knows: the Temple was a mess, they cleaned it up, they wanted to light the candelabra but found only enough oil to last one day, and miracle of miracles, it lasted eight.

Fast forward a number of thousand years to present day US: families light the menorah, sing a song, eat oily food and give presents, not just a little gelt (coins, these days often of chocolate), but over-the-top presents. There are families who do nothing more Jewish all year besides "celebrate" Chanukah. There are those who may even know about the miracle of the oil, but give no thought as to why we needed to reclaim the temple. They just know it means eight days of presents.

The irony to me is clear: The story of Chanukah, the Maccabeen uprising, represents the fight to preserve Judaism, so that the people could safely and openly believe, pray, be observant, be different.

Modern day Chanukah, however, looks like an attempt to fit in with the rest. It is an attempt to suppress the differences. "But," say the parents, "our child has asked to take a picture with Santa."

So? I see nothing wrong with explaining, "They do what they do and we do what we do. We are all different."

Being different is good. Being different grants you a unique perspective...and identity. Being different is worth fighting over, wouldn't you say?

Lesson No. 19 - How to Grow Good Parents

I believe that children either become parents like their own, or they turn 180 degrees in the opposite direction (as a reaction against).

I draw two conclusions from this:
1. To become a parent who is either like or completely unlike our own, requires conscious effort and learned behaviors.
2. To make sure that our own child's default tendency to mimic what he grew up with actually serves him or her well is all the more reason why it is important for us to do the right thing, behave in a positive way, serve as a good model.

I personally took a lot away from books by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, such as How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, for example:

* Let the kids acquire the tools to work it out themselves. Resolving issues helps them how to manage in social situations, negotiate outcomes, etc. as they grow older.
* Let natural consquences occur. If they forgot their lunch at home, don't go to school with it; they'll remember next time.
* Let kids become resilient. Let them know disappointment. When a college professor or a boss criticizes them or their work, they need to know how to deal with it, learn from it, without falling apart. Children who are shielded from sadness or the word "no," will not be in as strong a position as those who understand that it is a natural part of life.

The bottom line is that it is our job to provide our children with the tools they need so that they can function well as adults. One way we can do that is by acquiring the right language, attitude, thought processes now, so that not only can we understand how our actions impact upon our children, but we can modify our own behavior in order to help our children grow into good parents as well.

A few great websites

First one is not only for job hunters, but for freelancers. It's called VisualCV and allows you to post your resume, with added multimedia, online. How cool is that! A friend told me about it.

Sales
Like many others, I try to make some extra money. One place online where I have a few items for sale (a very few) is my CafePress site. Scroll down for some nice notecards... (I know, the pickings are slim--If I ever find time, I'll be more creative and make other stuff, I promise!) In the meantime, if you have any request, please leave a comment here and let me know. I'll make what you want! CafePress is a fun site--you can create things for yourself, or to sell to others, or you can buy from the gazillions of items and designs they have there.

I also try to make some money in another way--as an Associate for Amazon. But that's only through this blog. If someone clicks on the name or picture of a book, and then purchases something from Amazon, I'll earn a very small percentage. So far...I've earned 79 cents! But hey, if you're planning on going to Amazon anyway, please click on a link at the left! I may someday hit the minimum I need for them to actuallly pay me ($10)! (I don't think I've earned anything from the Google ads I allow on the blog.)

Relatively speaking, most lucrative for me in terms of sales is eBay. I've started lately putting things on my own eBay site, and though my latest auctions finished on Tuesday, I'll be putting stuff up in a few more days--a mix of news and used.

Fun shopping
http://www.wishingfish.com/
http://www.delight.com/
http://www.thinkgeek.com/

Please also see another listing of very cool websites that I listed in September.

Do you have any other suggestions?

Current Reading

I'm reading a book which my middle son recommended to me. It's written for teenagers, and I think every teen and every parent should read it. I recognize it's a bit slanted, but the information is still powerful and may impact on behavior and decision-making.

The book is called Chew On This: Everything You Don't Want to Know About Fast Food and is about the fast food industry.

The author starts with the first hamburger place and moves on to the explosive growth of McDonald's. Ray Croc would take helicopter rides to identify good locations near schools. He knew the way to increase growth was to get more children through the door. And he used many means.

There is also a chapter discussing the meatpacking industry and slaughterhouses, and how so much of it changed with the coming of the McNugget.

I'm in the middle of a chapter on obesity. I explained to my son that while the fast food industry may market their products in very pervasive and persuasive ways, it doesn't take away from parental and personal accountability regarding food choices. When children are small, decision-making falls on the parents. When kids are in high school and eating garbage daily, they need to take responsibility.

A must-read. Good for starting meaningful discussions with your family.