Is there anybody out there?

I just found out a friend of mine has read this blog (Yeah!!!). Has anyone else? (Please leave a comment if you have!)

I remember thinking about this when I was in college--about how I wanted to know how others saw me (okay, here I want to know if others read me...). I thought it would help me "see" myself. This came from something I learned in a philosophy class. We discussed how you see things differently from different angles. We used the example of a table in a room, with windows on one side. The color of the table (due to shadow and light), the length of the table, etc.--all this could appear differently depending on where you stood in the room. At the same time, there was a common "core" that they all saw. I wanted to know what my core was, at least to others.

Let's not forget the story about The Blind Men and the Elephant (or an equally great episode of All in the Family), both of which show how people can disagree about the same exact thing, based upon individual perspective, experience, thought patterns and even personal bias.

The summer after college, my friend Amy and I were each in Israel. We decided to go to Greece together for a few weeks, and took a cruise ship out of Haifa (cheapie tickets--we slept on the deck!). At the port in Haifa, we met these two guys and decided to travel together, at least to Athens and Mykonos. One day we went to an art gallery, and one of the guys was curious to see which pieces of art I liked and why. He never told me what conclusions he drew from the choices I made, but I always wanted to know. Insecurity? Perhaps. Sort of like with the "Slam Books" we used to make in 6th grade, where we'd ask kids to sign in (with a code name) and answer all kinds of opinion questions about classmates and whatever. I used to think that knowing others' opinons of me would give me a firmer grasp on knowing myself.

There was also an episode of Fantasy Island, it might have been the pilot, where the need to know others' thoughts was carried out to an extreme. Someone wanted to stage and then attend her own funeral (in disguise) to find out what people had to say about her. I remember she dressed up as a hotel maid, but can't remember if she was surprised or not at what they had to say. Still, the idea is very intriguing.

Anyway, if you're out there...please let me know! Thanks!

Lesson No. 2 - Connectivity

All day today, I've been trying to decide what I would write about for this evening's entry--Which lesson would I focus on? Well, I've learned that people are truly motivated by self-interest. Would that be it? Or how about how we cannot change others? Or what about how we should never let ourselves be bogged down by anger?

All great topics, and I think I can write intellingently and movingly about any of them. But I can't say that I really want to write about any of them right now.

This morning, I'd taken my two youngest sons to synagogue, and I hoped that I'd be inspired by the Rabbi's sermon...but no, I didn't even get to hear it, since I was helping out in the kitchen instead.

At lunch, though, I stumbled across something that counts as a lesson, but didn't realize it until now...It has to do with our need to be connected. At shul after services, a family I hadn't met before joined the boys and myself as we enjoyed our kiddush luncheon (and what a great pasta salad today!). The family was "shul shopping," and are in the midst of trying out several synagogues to see which they wanted to join.

I told the woman that I see our synagogue as having an especially involved congregation. Part of that might stem from the fact that we do not have a cantor (someone who sings the prayers). Instead, we have a large number of people in the congregation who step up to lead different prayers. (As well, we happen to have a Rabbi who has a very nice singing voice.) But the other reason is that the members of our synagogue are involved, they are connected. For example, there is a regular group who helps out in the kitchen, there are volunteer parents who lead the younger children's services, and there is a large turnout each week, helped, I'm sure, by the kiddush luncheon itself. But that's okay--this meal gives us each a chance to meet and connect with others in our community.

And that fills a need that I believe we all have. America is very large. Families are often spread far apart. We don't always know our neighbors. And as we read in the papers, those students who spray their classmates and faculty with bullets are never emotionally connected to their educational community. Connections are hard to come by, but they are essential. Being a part of something adds to our sense of identity. And living in a community, I think, implies an obligation towards that community. I know that when I feel responsible towards others in terms of the actions I take, I am more circumspect about those actions. And in this world, where too many people are motivated by self-gratification and nothing more, motivation due to obligation is, I think, a wonderful thing.

My lesson for today has to do with belonging to a community where we can contribute and connect. It is important and worth the time and effort involved. It is important for us, for our sense of self-worth and of self-respect. It is also important to us, due to our need to be connected, noticed, appreciated, wanted, and needed. As well, belonging to a community is important for the community itself, for without the time and effort put forth by its members, the community itself cannot be maintained.