New Year already at an all-time low

I'm afraid it's all over. And what kills me is that it didn't have to be this way.

I so don't want to put the kids through this again. They've already weathered one divorce and being uprooted and brought to an unknown place. And the truth is, that they've done an admirable job of adapting and even flourishing. It wouldn't be fair to subject them to any of that again.

Without someone to talk to, it's all bottled up inside. It would be nice to be able to speak to him about everything, but conversations aren't productive and snowball into ugly all too often. Much as I want to be able to unload, I cannot speak to anyone close to either one of us, as I don't want to permanently darken anyone's opinion, should we be able to work this out. And so I keep it inside.

The thought crossed my mind of being able to use this blog. Isn't that what it's for? But much as I aim to not reveal identifying details, those who know of this blog through me outnumber any other kind of reader, I imagine. And so, I would give too much away.

I'm about to cry again, and don't want to--not in front of the kids who are playing Guitar Hero in the very same room (one son bought it for another, for his birthday--I am so glad they like each other and enjoy each other's company so much...). Let me go check on the third, who's in another room...

Happy New Year.